Somebody get the forklift cause we have a fat one. Now trust us, we know Artie Lange was no George Clooney, even when he wasn’t morbidly obese… but at least he looked human. I mean if it doesn’t bother him that he has a weight equivalent to a prehistoric beast then good for him. We here at hitdawall are proud of this woolly mammoth formerly known as Artie Lange. To hell with the norms like self respect, health, or self control… just keep on eating till your face and body get their own zip codes. So thanks Artie Lange, for being so fat that it looks like breathing is a chore for you.
(Images Courtesy of:
Welcome to the 1st edition of “Morph Monday.” Being the 1st edition, I did not want to make it too difficult for you puppies so I tried to warm you up with a little taste of how this is going to play out. So, it’s now time to take your best shot at who these two celebrities can be. Take as many guesses as you like. Hints will be available if need be.
(Image courtesy of http://www.morphthing.com/ )
Marilu Henner!!! Despite some tough competition this week, the one time piece of ass pulled out a slim victory. So this week is your week Marilu Henner because you rode that taxi straight into the wall.
Starting this Monday we will start a weekly tradition called “Morph Monday.” We will “morph” two celebrities together and you, the viewer, will have to guess who the two celebrities are. Post your guesses and see if you can figure out who got “morphed.”
Voting for this week is now closed. Stay tuned to see the winner.
Ok babies this is important. Never, ever make a mix tape of love songs for someone who just broke up with you. It is pitiful and should never be attempted. If you have done this, or are considering it… go into the jungle and wait for the sweet release of death. Look at Vincent Van Gogh… he didn’t send a mix tape to his lost love. He sent an ear.. I repeat an EAR!!!! So go nuts and let them know just how much you care by sending them a piece of your face. Eyes, ears, lips, and noses are all great way to let them know just how much you love them.
P.S. Don’t forget to vote, and remember… Never cross the Chupacabra!!!
Once again, the time has come to spread some hate. We have 3 more fuglylicious celebrities that have done nothing good to maintain themselves. Its tough to imagine that these 3 women were once attractive, and to be honest, its even tougher to remember when they had a good role. You guys have until Sunday to vote and you can vote as many times as you want. Take a look at the postings so you get a better idea of when they were hot, and now that their not. King Kong aint got sh*t on us!
This is just wrong. WHY GOD WHY? Goldie Hawn used to be a hot piece, now she is tough just to look at. We heard that there is a casting call for the Wizard of Oz… we didnt think Goldie was looking for a part in it. The skin looks like it is melting off of her face. Who knows, maybe she made a bet with the devil and lost. Either way, this is one of the few times where plastic surgery might be her best option.
(Images courtesy of http://ickmusic.com/pics/goldie.jpg&imgrefurl=http://ickmusic.com/index.php/category/bluegrass/&h=355&w=350&sz=40&hl=en&start=22&um=1&tbnid=-R4udKalVVcnmM:&tbnh=121&tbnw=119&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dgoldie%2Bhawn%26start%3D20%26ndsp%3D20%26svnum%3D10%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN & http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com/2007/03/goldie-hawn-is-mess.html)
Elaine Nardo, boy weren’t you hot. I would take a ride on your taxi any day. . .and now. Oh Marilu, what happened to you. You just look friggin scary now. I actually heard that you were going to be starring in the Ring 3. . .it’s suppose to be 30 years later and you would play the lead role as the adult of the little girl who crawls through the screen. That would be a good role for you. . .and speaking of roles, why don’t you slap some butter on a roll and eat about 5 of them before you cheek bones start popping through your face.
I’ll just take this opportunity to shout out “Taxi” for being one of my favorite Nick at Nite shows. Big ups to Andy Kaufman.
(Images courtesy of
Oh my goodness gracious… you look hideous Sally!!! I understand people get old, but from the looks of it you slammed into the wall at about 350mph. Apparently your skin is morphing into some sort of gelatin like mush. As a matter of fact, your looking like some kind of science fiction monster. In the name of all that is good and pure, stop going out in public… YOUR SCARY!!! Oh, and by the way… your neck called and said it misses you and would like to come home.
(Images courtesy of: http://www.nndb.com/people/771/000023702/sally-kirkland-sized.jpg & http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2a/Academy_Awards_afterparty_CUN_Sally_Kirkland.jpg/398px-Academy_Awards_afterparty_CUN_Sally_Kirkland.jpg)
In what some may consider to be a major upset, Britney Spears has defeated “the sure thing” Michael Jackson to become the first person in our Wall of Shame. The vote was extremely close but with nothing good happening in her life, it was too hard not to vote for Britney. We are sorry to disappoint the “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE” dude, but the win was well deserved. Thanks to all the haters out there who voted. We start it up tomorrow with some brand new candidates so make sure to spread the word.
(Images courtest of http://www.gorgeousstars.com/Females/BSpears/Britney%20Spears/britney_spears1_300_400.jpg & http://canthelpmyself.wordpress.com/2007/09/03/the-tart-of-tarts-britney-spears/)
The polls are closed. Check back later for our first Wall of Shamer.
Time to vote for our first Wall of Shamer. The poll will be open until Sunday afternoon, so make sure youvote for who you think is the biggest mess.
Libra (9/23-10/22) – As the earth makes its changes and fall is on the horizon, take the time to sit back and enjoy the beauty in the world. However, be wary of the beast. The beast will typically take the shape of a tricksy woman who will do everything in her power to keep you near, including getting pregnant and other beast related shananigins. Protect yourself and keep your prick in your pants. Big ups to Brooklyn!
For our second set of nominees for the Wall of Shame we have our week 3 winner, John Travolta and our week 4 winner Jack Nicholson. So here we go!!! Only one of these four candidates can make it in to the Wall of Shame for September. Will it be Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, John Travolta, or big Jack Nicholson? (Images courtesy of http://www.jack-nicholson.info/photos/jack-robinson-archive.html & http://www.popcornnation.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/jacknicholson2.jpg) (Images courtesy of http://bumpshack.com/?p=365)
We defintely have some first ballot Wall of Shamers here so lets get it going. Our first 2 winners in September were a couple of popstars who dove head first into da wall. Now we have our opinion on who belongs in The Wall, but its not up to us. The final decision is always left up to the voters, so make sure you vote as many times as you want. We will post the other 2 winners from September tomorrow and then voting opens Thursday morning.
(Images courtesy of http://www.gorgeousstars.com/Females/BSpears/Britney%20Spears/britney_spears1_300_400.jpg & http://canthelpmyself.wordpress.com/2007/09/03/the-tart-of-tarts-britney-spears)
(Images courtesy of http://www2c.airnet.ne.jp/stevie/MICHAEL%20JACKSON/OFF%20THE%20WALL.jpg & http://www.vintagepostcards.org/blog/michael-jackson-mugshot.jpg)
This week, we will be reposting all of the winners from each week of the past month. Towards the end of the week you guys will be able to vote again, but this time the winner gets into our infamous Wall of Shame. We will be doing this at the end of every month from this point forward. Think of the winner as being like the Playmate of the month, except our monthly winners are all hideous disasters that no one is going to rub one out to.
After another close vote, you guys have chose yet another celebrity who has hit da wall. So this week we want to send a shout out to Mr. Man Boobs himself, Jack Nicholson, for pulling out the victory. Hopefully, this will inspire him to eat even more.