Monthly Archives: July 2008

Liar, Liar, Pants on Favre!!!

When does this end?  You’ve played almost 20 years Brett… just let it be.  Poor Aaron Rogers has been salivating on the bench for some sweet, sweet playing time, and just when he thinks he’s gonna get some love… you pull this junk.  Its bush-league!!!  Stick with wrangler or levi, or whatever other endorsements you have and learn to step away.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

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Who cares for Sunday when we got a CAT FIGHT!

Did you hear?!?  Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban had a baby girl, but thats not even the best part. . .wait, wait. . . they named her. . .wait, wait. . .SUNDAY!!!  Isn’t that fabulous!  Who da. . Who da. . .Excuse me, let me clear my throat. . .WHO THE F-CARES!!!

Let’s get to the real news. . .

It’s about to be a GIRL FIGHT!  In one corner we have Jesscia Simpson, wearing the big breast and blonde hair, and in the other corner we have Pam Anderson, also wearing the big breast and blonde hair.  Ding, Ding.  Pam took the first punch and boy did it hurt Jesscia.  In response to Jessica’s shirt, “Real Girls Eat Meat”, which is a stab at Tony Romo’s ex, Carrie Underwood, Pam called Jesscia a “Bitch and a whore” all in one sentence for her shananingens.  In boxing terms that a jab to the nose and a right hook. 

Round 1 goes to Pam, with 3 judges scoring it 10-7.  Jesscia better ice-up and vaseline that pretty little face of hers to battle the “Baywatch Babe”.  Hopefully we shall see Round 2 very shortly.

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McConaughey Has A Baby!!!

We have it first ladies and gents. Hot of the presses are the first photos of Mathew McConaughey’s new baby boy (Well not really… but we can dream can’t we?). I think he takes after his daddy!!! I mean, I don’t think I have ever seen Mathew with his shirt on, and it looks like the baby is following in his daddy’s footsteps. Maybe one day, just one day, I can flip through a people magazine and not see pictures of McConaughey doing push-ups or half naked. Anyway… I wish you no luck or congratulations… jerk!!!

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Jeff Conaway

What we have here is a mess. This poor guy had to play second fiddle to John Travolta and if that’s not bad enough he had to take a back seat to Tony Danza in Taxi. That must have really put him over the edge. All we can hope for is another reality show with the star of all reality shows, Jeff Conaway. When it comes to reality T.V. Jeff, you take a back seat to no one.

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Madonna & A-Rod???

Word through the grapevine is Madonna and Alex Rodriguez the latest Hollywood fling.  Which I think is a pretty good match.  Let’s examine this shall we:


 Alex Rodriguez                                  Madonna

1. At the top of his sport                       1. Has been on top of every guy in Hollywood

2. Likely home run king.       2. More guys have scored on her thany anyone else

3. In the prime of his career               3. Has been awful since the late 90’s.

4. Has 2 children.                                   4. Eat children to stay young.

5. Is Puerto Rican                                  5. Is … uh… English or…. WHAT IS SHE???

6. In his 30’s and frosts his hair.         6. Seriously… why does A-Rod do that??


So as we can see it’s a match made in heaven.  A guy getting out of a marriage looking for some quick loving; and a lady looking to stay relevant and get some publicity.  I bet she will be releasing an album pretty soon.

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What’s Happening???

The other day I had the opportunity to see M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening.”  I was pretty excited about it because with the exception of that awful movie “The Village,” I pretty much like all his movies. 

So the movie begins and Mark Walberg starts talking and I think, is this for real?  Did he forget to take his acting juice?  But then I realize its not a joke and Marky Mark is really trying.  Then it starts to spread, and everyone in the movie, with the exception of the little girl (whose name I don’t know), was TERRIBLE!!!  I’ve seen better acting in porn movies.  So if you can get past the acting the movie is good…………………………

NOT!!!!  No lie people, the Worst all around movie I have ever seen.  As a matter of fact, I want you to see it so you can understand what I’m saying.  I literally wanted go sniff some paint thinner, drink it, and light myself on fire while I watch a lifetime movie.  Cause that would have been better than that piece of cocky. 

And if anyone comments that they liked it, check yourself into a hospital and steralize yourself.  I have no time for your buffoonery or your potential offspring!!!

Anyway, I give this movie a rating of – Toxic Waste – because watching it may kill you!!!

Donatella Versace

Ok Donatella, I must admit you were never really attractive, but at least you looked like a normal human being and on top of it all you were rich b/c of your brother Gianni.  And we all known rich + ugly = beautiful/getting laid.  Ok, so with all your money and guys flocking around you, what do you do. . .

You make yourself look like Mr. Ed/the Easter Bunny.  Can someone get this women a carrot!!!  Ooooooo wait a tick, she’s not done yet.  And neither am I. . .

Holy cheese and crackers!!!  Is her skin melting?  I don’t know what to say Donatella, but if there was a sangwich (this is not a typo) named after you it would be called, the “Versace melt”, with of course a side of steamed/raw carrots.  Bon appetit.

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