Jeff Conaway

What we have here is a mess. This poor guy had to play second fiddle to John Travolta and if that’s not bad enough he had to take a back seat to Tony Danza in Taxi. That must have really put him over the edge. All we can hope for is another reality show with the star of all reality shows, Jeff Conaway. When it comes to reality T.V. Jeff, you take a back seat to no one.

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Madonna & A-Rod???

Word through the grapevine is Madonna and Alex Rodriguez the latest Hollywood fling.  Which I think is a pretty good match.  Let’s examine this shall we:


 Alex Rodriguez                                  Madonna

1. At the top of his sport                       1. Has been on top of every guy in Hollywood

2. Likely home run king.       2. More guys have scored on her thany anyone else

3. In the prime of his career               3. Has been awful since the late 90’s.

4. Has 2 children.                                   4. Eat children to stay young.

5. Is Puerto Rican                                  5. Is … uh… English or…. WHAT IS SHE???

6. In his 30’s and frosts his hair.         6. Seriously… why does A-Rod do that??


So as we can see it’s a match made in heaven.  A guy getting out of a marriage looking for some quick loving; and a lady looking to stay relevant and get some publicity.  I bet she will be releasing an album pretty soon.

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What’s Happening???

The other day I had the opportunity to see M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening.”  I was pretty excited about it because with the exception of that awful movie “The Village,” I pretty much like all his movies. 

So the movie begins and Mark Walberg starts talking and I think, is this for real?  Did he forget to take his acting juice?  But then I realize its not a joke and Marky Mark is really trying.  Then it starts to spread, and everyone in the movie, with the exception of the little girl (whose name I don’t know), was TERRIBLE!!!  I’ve seen better acting in porn movies.  So if you can get past the acting the movie is good…………………………

NOT!!!!  No lie people, the Worst all around movie I have ever seen.  As a matter of fact, I want you to see it so you can understand what I’m saying.  I literally wanted go sniff some paint thinner, drink it, and light myself on fire while I watch a lifetime movie.  Cause that would have been better than that piece of cocky. 

And if anyone comments that they liked it, check yourself into a hospital and steralize yourself.  I have no time for your buffoonery or your potential offspring!!!

Anyway, I give this movie a rating of – Toxic Waste – because watching it may kill you!!!

Donatella Versace

Ok Donatella, I must admit you were never really attractive, but at least you looked like a normal human being and on top of it all you were rich b/c of your brother Gianni.  And we all known rich + ugly = beautiful/getting laid.  Ok, so with all your money and guys flocking around you, what do you do. . .

You make yourself look like Mr. Ed/the Easter Bunny.  Can someone get this women a carrot!!!  Ooooooo wait a tick, she’s not done yet.  And neither am I. . .

Holy cheese and crackers!!!  Is her skin melting?  I don’t know what to say Donatella, but if there was a sangwich (this is not a typo) named after you it would be called, the “Versace melt”, with of course a side of steamed/raw carrots.  Bon appetit.

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Courtney Love

Ok, so here we have the rare case of someone being born into da wall, then becoming a hotty, and finally smashing there face right back into da wall courtesy of good ole plastic surgery. Its no secret that Courtney Love is a lunatic, but what is she doing?? She almost looks like Beast from the old Beauty and the Beast tv show. (I know thats an obscure reference but you just have to deal with it). Anyway, you do whatever makes you happy. If you want to look like some sort of cat/human, we are all for it.

I guess thats what happens when you ride the coat tails of your talented husband, and then he dies, and people realize you never had talent!!!! WOW, did I just say that???

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Mary Tyler Moore

Where is Rhoda when you need her?  Mary you look a mess and that smile is awful.  Those chompers are something special.  Can u please wrangle those things back into your mouth because your upsetting me.  Then again, you may be able to get some work out of it.  Since Heath passed, I think we  may found the next joker.  And BTW… I’m really surprised you still are showing some cleavage.  New rule… no low cut shirts if you were born before 1955.  I guess we all should be thankful that second pic got cut off.  Don’t worry your gonna make it after all..  In the Wall.

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Stallone’s Face Seals the Deal

I think we all knew who was going to win this week.  It was just a formality.  I’m not taking anything away from the other 2 nominees but c’mon.  I don’t know what Jackie Stallone did, but apparently she went way to far trying to get the part of Two-Face in the new Batman movie.  She is certainly, one of the worst cases of hitting da wall these little eyes have seen.  So congratulations Jackie… and remember, THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!

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